Erotic Story and Otherwise

Judge John Hodgman on Birthday Cakes, Erotic and Otherwise

Kate writes: I have been asking my boyfriend, Brian, for a fun, fancy birthday cake (erotic story) for 10 years. I’ve relaxed the definition over time to include prefab cakes, like Carvel’s Cookie Puss(erotic). But he has never done it. I’m turning 40. Please order Brian to provide a custom-made fun, fancy cake.

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Until “Cookie Puss,” I was beginning to worry you were using “fun, fancy” as a euphemism for “erotic.” Do people still buy those? In Essex Street Market there used to be a pastry stall that had a model cake on display with an orgy on top: nude revelers barely concealed by a blanket of fondant. It collected dust for years, but my revulsion remained fresh. Anyway, yes: Brian is a monster. He must order you a custom fun, fancy cake at punishing expense for your 40th. (Unless Cookie Puss is erotic to you. Then I don’t know what to say.) Erotic story like this is the best.

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